you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
