Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Naked Twister starts at high noon
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
