I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
