haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's rum buckets o'clock
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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