Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
