she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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