Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
