I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
