We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
