Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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