an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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