he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
