before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
