The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Did I show you my penis last night?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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