I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
