my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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