real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Randomize
