apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
