I need help removing her.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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