I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
