dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
