is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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