don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Randomize
