you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
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I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
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I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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