i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Success! We fucked roommates!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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