theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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