You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
