I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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