Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
