Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
