Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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