Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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