After last night, I could never be a politician.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We are two peas in an std pod
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
