Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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