Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
