Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
