Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
