sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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