i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
