so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
