I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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