He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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