I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
