I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
