you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
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she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
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He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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