just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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