just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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