Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize