I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
