Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
