Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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