like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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