Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
