you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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