went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
