i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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