Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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