theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
