just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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