it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
