Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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