Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
