i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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