i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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