at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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