white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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