Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
