I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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