saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
