He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
