just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
