i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
