New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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