honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
