I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
