I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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