two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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