i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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