"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
