Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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