Life is so much better after having sex.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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